Archive for the ‘WHY THE HELL NOT?’ Category

So why am I posting a Funny Or Die video about women fawning over babies?  ‘Cause it’s damn funny.  The people involved are very talented. And I want to look important to my friends. So shut the hell up and laugh.   Warning: spit-takes may ensue. Read the rest of this entry »

First – there was IRON BABY. Read the rest of this entry »

I am an unapologetic MACGYVER fan.

I sort of hate that MACGRUBER exists, because I’ve always wanted a big budget MACGYVER feature.

Religiously, I recorded nearly every episode of MACGYVER’s seven seasons. Even the crappy seventh season. Read the rest of this entry »

Jon Favreau tweeted this clip. CHUD posted it. I give them all the credit in finding it so I could steal their glory and give it to you.

Enjoy.

WHY THE HELL NOT? –> Barbershop Ewok Song

WHY THE HELL NOT? –> ZOMBIE VS. SHARK

WHY THE HELL NOT? –> LEAN ON ME SPEECH

WHY THE HELL NOT? –> THE FIGHT FROM THEY LIVE

WHY THE HELL NOT? –> WOMAN INTO ROBOT (SUPERMAN 3)

WHY THE HELL NOT? –> WONDERWHEEL! (THE TOY)

So… why did ‘the Chopper’ decided to show you this NSFW clip today?

Because it’s a zombie fighting a shark.

‘Nuff said.

We all need to imagine – and appreciate – the utter bug-fuck mental freakout that topless Italian diver chick must’ve had. You throw on the scuba tank… go for a swim… enjoying nature topless (as you do)… then a shark comes… and then… as you hide… there’s a zombie in your face coming for a quick bite.

Yeah. I’d piss my pants, too.

Lucky for her, the zombie thinks she’s too high maintenance of a meal, so he goes for a shark steak.

Think about that. Basically, Fulci’s saying that a shark is easier to deal with than an Italian woman. Cracks my funny bone in two.

Of course, it’s more likely he wasn’t saying anything except “f–k it, let’s have a zombie fight a shark.” Either way, it tickles me immensely because it proves that Italians are f–king nuts.

I’ve had a fear of drowning forever.  Not being able to breathe scares me.  And going out into the open water freaks me out (you know, JAWS and stuff). But NOW I have to worry about drowning while being eaten by a shark AND attacked by a zombie. 

Thanks a lot, Fulci.

A little something to inspire you through the rest of the week… in other words, here’s Morgan Freeman shouting a lot. Enjoy!

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I have spent most of the past week in raging neck pain.

I know you can throw out your back, or you can pull a hammy, twist a knee or ankle… but where the neck was concerned, all I thought you could do was break it or, well… break it.  Sure, I’ve had stiff necks before… but throwing out my was a completely new inconvenience for me.

It didn’t even happen immediately.  No big moment where I made an uncoordinated jerky move (”back, and to the left… back… and to the left…”) and that move caused me to go “aaaaah, I just threw out my neck and it’s completely obvious because it really %&$*# hurts!”

Nope, this crept up on me during work hours, and by the next day, I was largely incapacitated.  Couldn’t tilt my head back at all, or even rotate it left or right.  Hell, swallowing food even hurt.  If I laid down in bed, there were no comfortable positions, and if I got out of bed, I would have to support my head with my hands otherwise it would create a big ‘owwie.’

There was no relief for days… a friend finally came threw for me and helped me get to the doctor… but even then, the pain would just go on and on… and on…. and then when I thought it was almost over, it was back on again,,,, and then it would end…. but NOPE!  Back on again, and I’m like ‘Holy hell, this raging pain is gonna be never ending.”

Which is why the film-geek part of my brain immediately compared my situation with the epic ‘Jesus-this-is-long’ fight scene from John Carpenter’s THEY LIVE.

Rumor has it that, at the time, it was one of the longest fight scenes in modern film.  Can’t say if it’s a bogus rumor or not (it probably is if you factor in martial arts films) but this is the conversation I had with myself in my head as I watched this scene for the first time:

Goddamn, that’s a good mullet… I didn’t know you could tuck in a flannel shirt, I’ll have to try that…. and check out Keith David being a badass… dude tossed the cash into the bag so casual, it was like ‘ain’t nuthin’ but a thang.” Smooth move, badass…

…okay, here we go, they’re fighting, shit’s about to get real… wow, good stuff…. fight’s winding down, good fight scene… oh shit! They’re back at it! This shit looks like it hurts… no mortal man can keep this up, but it IS Keith David we’re talking about here, so…

…oh, okay… NOW the fight’s over, good job guys, that was some great stuff, now let’s get on with the story and – SHIT, THEY’RE BACK AT IT AGAIN? Are they really pulling out wrestling moves? Shit, I’m exhausted just WATCHING this!!!

Evidentally, I use the word ’shit’ a lot when talking in my head… but still, it was then and still is kick-ass.

To set up the clip: ‘Rowdy’ Roddy Piper (one of the original wrestling superstars of the 1980’s) has these chemically treated Ray-bans that let you see the secret subliminal messages that aliens have hidden everywhere to better control our society.It was meant as a comment on a consumer society during the Reagan era… and yeah, I can see how it’s a bit silly, and yeah, the aliens look like rotting cadavers with golf ball eyes and British teeth… but who friggin’ cares?

The important thing is that Roddy will beat the shit out of Keith David in order to get him to try them on, and Keith David will beat the shit out of Roddy to teach this crazy dude a lesson so he will leave him alone.  In essence, this is the perfect example of dramatic conflict that they try to teach you in film school.

Although I’m all healed now, and can improperly crack my neck again with ease… I submit to you, in honor of my never-ending pain… the (almost) never-ending fight scene from John Carpenter’s THEY LIVE.

(…told ya Keith was a badass… I friggin’ told ya…)

When you’re a kid, you don’t know what’s good or what’s bad.

You just know what freaks you the hell out.

I know SUPERMAN 3 isn’t a good movie. Sure, there are good bits to it – I like when Clark Kent has to fight off Superman, and I like that whiny little kid Ricky – but this scene… this one freaked me out as a kid. I can’t pinpoint why… maybe it’s my inner sense of claustrophobia… but when she gets those wires in her face and those plates clamped onto her… maybe it freaked out a few of you as well.
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If it freaked you out as it did me… let me hear from ya.

For those who have looked behind my personal wizard’s curtain and witnessed the random directions that my mind’s compass tends to point me, this will seem par for the course.  But for those of us joining the program already in progress…

…I act on impulse most of the time.  I can channel it and focus it from time to time – that is, until another impulse overrides the first impulse and sends me in another direction.  Thus spaketh the man with A.D.D.

Occasionally, I’ll think of a movie moment from the library in my head that I can’t shake until I share it with someone.  Maybe I’ll see it on TV or maybe my brain synapses just shuffled it up to the plate – but I’ll keep it on replay like a song stuck in your head. Quotes and nostalgic recreations help dull the urge to share, but I find the best way to purge that urge is to just show the damn thing to someone until I get ‘yup, that takes me back’ response.

So now… I’m bringing it back to the people. Let’s see how many of us share the same memories of movie moments – and the key word is SHARE!!! Let’s leave some comments and see how many of us click through these itty bitty clips.

An ounce of disclaimers: There’s no rhyme or reason to what I’ll choose. These are just clips that make me happy for some reason. They could be stupid. They could be insulting. Silly. Fun. Smart. Well-made. Not well-made. Campy. And did I say ’stupid?’ The point of this is to not be cynical or snobby or instigating – it’s just to have FUN.

I mean – why the hell not?

So here’s the first of hopefully many more clips to come. Please sit back (hopefully while you’re at work handling other people’s money) and enjoy… ‘Wonderwheel!’

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